Life is such a sweet insanity.

For some reason I decided this weekend that stereotypes are bad. It's kind of like I woke up and said to myself, "I shouldn't be such a shithead." Usually epiphanies are a glorious feeling, not laced with profanities, but sometimes you can't have everything work out the right way.

For example, I've always presumed that shoppers at Wal*Mart have two-digit IQs. I looked down upon those who shopped at Wal*Mart. They're the dumb ones. "I'm better than you, I shop at Kaufmann's and spend way too much money needlessly". "You're spending good money with a jerk of a company who kills small-town America." "You're buying cheaply made goods that were manufactured in sweat shops in Asia." "You can't earn a decent living so you have to shop at Wal*Mart". How rude!

Earl and I shopped in Wal*Mart yesterday. Honestly, I hadn't been in our local Wal*Mart in a number of years. The first in the area, it's in the process of becoming a Wal*Mart Supercenter.
As we were opening the pool yesterday, we found we needed pool supplies. Being Sunday, none of the local pool supply shops were open, but Wal*Mart was there, with all the supplies that we needed. The sales staff was friendly. Our cashier had two lockets around her neck, both with pictures of her very young son. She seemed like the single, struggling mother type. Before my epiphany, I would have considered her a stupid fool who got knocked up and was living off welfare. Truth be known, she was a hard working Mom trying to earn a decent living so that her son could have a decent life. There's nothing wrong with that. I looked her in the eyes and wished her a good day. She probably thought I was weird, but she smiled.

I'm seriously considering venturing into the Wal*Mart Supercenter across town for groceries next time we go shopping.

When I was a vegetarian, I probably was a little more preachy than I needed to do be. Did I consider myself better than those that ate meat? Admittedly, I did. How arrogant! Then I ask myself, was I a vegetarian to maintain a 'holier-than-thou' stance, or was I a vegetarian for health reasons? Honestly, I don't know. I have met a few vegetarians that were just plain mean with their preachiness. I don't want to be like them. I guess it doesn't matter now, since I'm not vegetarian anymore, but I think I've learned a lesson somewhere in there.

I am a very fortunate person. I'm blissfully in love, have a beautiful home, enjoy a caring and understanding family and work with a great bunch of people. My life is ideal. It's time to put aside my artifically earned superiority and appreciate people for who and what they are.

I swore I wasn't going to get wrapped up in it, but I did. I'm such a goon. Of course I'm talking about American Idol.

Last year I spewed out all sorts of negativity in my blog about Ruben Studdard winning over Clay Aiken. I stand by that. I thought the poor thing was going to pass out during his performance tonight and he sucked as usual. I don't know if he's a nice guy or not, but I really hate his voice. On the flip side, Clay Aiken is a breath of fresh air, and his single "Invisible" is a true pop classic. Earl hates it when it comes on the radio or CD, because I have to crank up "the bridge" and he has to listen to my praise about "classic pop music structure." See? That year in SUNY Fredonia's music program taught me something.

Which brings us to this year's finale. Of course, the whole thing could be condensed to the last two minutes and you wouldn't miss a thing. The single that was written for the winner, "I Believe" is cheesier than a big block of good old 1979 Welfare Cheese. It makes Diane Warren's lyrics sound like Shakespeare.

At the beginning of this two hour cheese fest we began with Tamyra Gray, a lovely woman with a beautiful voice, who butchered our National Anthem. Our National Anthem, while patriotic, is not the most beautiful song in the world, and she just made it worse. Cluephone to anyone that sings the National Anthem in the future. It's written to be sung at a fairly lively tempo and the melody is straight forward. It has been sung roughly a million times. Sliding up and down the scale, all over the medley with startling trills in not going to make the National Anthem "Your Own". It's still the National Anthem. And drug-induced Whitney Houston be damned, sing it like it's written. And I speak with authority, as I have sang the National Anthem locally, in front of a crowd of roughly 3,000 people and I sang it straight forward. Granted, every team I've sung for has left town at the end of the season, but that's just a coincidence.

Then we have the Top 12 doing a really bad "can-can" type number which was a medley of all the hits of the guest judges throughout the season. Imagine a drunk D.J. at a club trying to mix "Heaven Knows" into "Mandy" and you'll get the jist of that train wreck. I have a hard time believe Matt Rogers is 24, he looks 34 (and kind of hunky admittedly). And he's suffering from "comb-over". Dude, stop the charade.

Ruben Studdard made his obligatory performance. Cluephone to Ruben, go see a doctor as I really am afraid for your health. It seemed you could barely squeak out your song without suffering from severe dehydration with all your sweating, and the second line is ringing, your songs still suck.

Then to top it off, we have Diana DeGarmo and Fantasia Burrino. Diana is 16, shows a lot of promise vocally and will have a great career someday. She's a little wet behind the ears, but she shows promise and I wish her well as runner up.

Fantasia, of course, took the American Idol title, because that's who the judges wanted to win and that's who America voted for. Personally I can't watch her because she bounces around so much I suffer from airsickness, and I can't listen to her because she makes my throat sore with her screeching. She sounds like a 33 RPM Macy Gray record sped up to 45 RPM. Not my thing, but then again, not much on Top 40 radio is not my thing today. But I wish her luck. The two choices were nowhere near the calibur of Kelly Clarkson or Clay Aiken, but they will do for this year.

Now, I'm not watching next year. I know, I know, yeah right.

I've been like a little kid in a candy store. I've always been fascinated with severe spring and summer weather. The bigger the downpour, the stronger the wind, the louder the thunder, the more fascinated and excited I become.

On Saturday night, Mother Nature gave us quite a spectacular light show with some thunderstorms that passed through the area. Some rain, a little wind, and a lot of thunder and lightning.

That was just a teaser apparently, because Sunday night we had even stronger thunderstorms, with impressive wind and a brilliant lightning display. Four storms barged through between 9:30 and 5:00 a.m. this morning, and I was awake for all of them. I busied myself watching my weather station do it's thing, tracking the storms on the computer just enjoying the adrenaline rush of the excitement. The neighbors must wonder why the new guy on the block puts on his rain gear and stands out on the front porch in his underwear and rain gear when the radio is telling everyone to stay inside.

Another storm passed through this afternoon, and I got to observe it from the top floor of our office building. Very impressive. I didn't have the digital camera though, which was a little disappointing, since we watched what appeared to be a tornado on the horizon (still waiting on confirmation on that). Working for a radio station can be very exciting, especially when you're coordinating EAS (Emergency Alert System) Alerts with the on-air staff trying to get as much information out to the public as quickly as possible.

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In other news, Earl and I made it a Jeep Weekend and traveled in the Finger Lakes on Saturday with the sides off the Jeep. The threat of rain kept us from taking the top completely off, though. We did do a couple of "Jeep Top Drills" on Friday so that we would be well prepared for our trip to Oklahoma and Kansas a week from Friday. I'm really getting excited about our upcoming vacation.

As I'm going through my daily tasks here at work, I let my mind wander for just a moment. For some reason, I recalled my high school years.

There was a teacher in my school that taught special education. Outside of her regular duties, she also assisted with the drama club and a social studies course, "Ethics Class". So I got to know her fairly well. Her name was (and probably still is) Karen O'Brien. She was present when I came out to myself, at the age of 16 (though I had known since I was six or seven) during one particularly emotional Ethics Class, but that's another story for another time.

I always admired Karen for one reason - she had an unstoppable zest for life. In the one yearbook, the teachers were polled for various reasons - interests, dislikes, etc. These were printed under their picture.

Karen wrote this for her interest:

Interests: People - I find them fascinating. I haven't found one yet that didn't impress me.

What a wonderful thought. I'm going to make it a point to remember that more often.

I discovered something about being materialistic today. There much more joy in giving than buying.

Ever since I met Earl back in late 1995, he's mentioned from time to time that he wanted a Jeep. Nothing fancy like a Grand Cherokee or a Liberty or anything like that. No, he wanted a basic, "man's jeep"... a 5-speed Wrangler with a soft top.

Tonight, it happened.

After work, we drove up to the Jeep dealer to pick up his 2004, black, five-speed, six-cylinder, soft-topped Jeep Wrangler X. It's all black with a gray cloth interior. It's your basic Jeep - no power windows or locks, no air conditioning, just a plain ol' Jeep. He hadn't seen it before tonight, he bargained with the dealer over the phone and bought it sight unseen.

It's beautiful. But more importantly, I wish I had the words to describe the happiness I saw in Earl's eyes tonight.

When we first met, he was driving a Mazda 626 that he promptly smashed up. He needed a car quick, so he bought a '96 Hyundai Elantra. It was a quick purchase, out of necessity rather than pleasure. The Elantra was a great, functional car, and filled the need quite well for a long time. But it wasn't really us.

When the Elantra ran it's course, we took the opportunity to buy a new car... a 2001 Impala LS. The Impala was my dream car, and he basically let me pick it out for the family. He enjoys the Impala, but it isn't really what he would have bought for himself. We still drive it today, and I'm still in love with it (despite the sizeable chunk of change we invested in repairs a couple of months ago).

So when he said he wanted a Jeep (again), I stepped aside and let him get what he wanted. Just between you and me, I'm glad we have a Jeep in the family too, but more importantly, I'm glad he took the opportunity to buy a toy for himself.

We've decided to cancel our plane reservations to Kansas for a vacation in June - we're driving the Jeep instead.

It makes me so proud to scream...
My Boyfriend Drives A JEEP!

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Now I would never refer to Earl has my "boyfriend"... I haven't done that since we shared a pop at the malt shop. It's just fun to act young. :)

O.k., I'll come clean. I've been getting worked up about American Idol again. It's Earl's fault. He loves the show and insists on watching it. When he's in Ohio, it's easy to avoid. But he's been home on "Idol Night" for the past couple of weeks and I've become "rehooked".

I have to say, of the final three, I'm cheering for Fantasia Burrino, with Diana DeGarmo a really close second. While Jasmine Trias looks like a very sweet girl, the poor thing can't sing her way out of a paper bag. Pitch issues should not be a consideration when you're in the final 12, let alone the final three.

Of course I just can't sit back and watch the show, I have to actually go on the American Idol message boards and throw in my two cents, repeatedly, and argue with pre-pubescent kids who are using their parent's America Online account. I haven't stooped so low as to start using grotesquely large purple letters, but my comments occasionally fall just short of "neener, neener, neener".

To rationalize, there is a bright side, I suppose. It's always good for the soul to let your inner child run free. Even if he's an annoying brat yelling "neener, neener, neener" on the internet.

I read something today that I'd like to share with you.

"Let the innate beauty of your soul provide a beacon of Light for others in this world of Darkness. Show others how to live; be an example for them. Choose joy, show a zest for life, love others and make your own heaven. Light your lamp for them all to see. You will find it can smooth your path and hasten perfection."
"Journey of the Soul Series, Book Three: The Nature of Good and Evil"
by Sylvia Browne.

What a wonderful passage. Maybe a lesson learned today.

Sing it John Denver! Working for a traditional country radio station can surely test one's patience, but once in a while you'll hear a good song that has some actual meaning. Today it was great to get out in the sunshine and enjoy life. You'll notice the new picture up there in the right hand corner... that's me, along a creek, in the Ilion Gorge (along Route 51) with Earl taking pictures.

We kicked off the weekend with a visit to the local drive in theatre to see "Troy". It was an o.k. movie... there were a couple of things I found disappointing. First of all, there's a wide smattering of English dialects throughout the movie, which I find quite interesting since they're all suppose to be Greek. At least on Xena, they all spoke with a southern California dialect, why couldn't everyone speak with the same dialect in the monster movie "Troy".

Secondly, why do lots of women and some men find Brad Pitt so darn irresistible? I don't find him attractive at all. I mean, he's not bad to look at I suppose, if you're into that sort of thing, but he just seems to pretty for my tastes.

On Saturday I took Earl to a new barber for a much needed haircut. Back when I had enough hair on top to actually get a haircut, I went to a great barber named John who could cut a killer flat top. I haven't seen John in quite a while (over eight years), and Earl hasn't been happy with his last couple of haircuts from the local barber so I took him to John's. John is apparently very popular these days, because we ended up waiting 3 1/2 hours for Earl's turn. It was great to shoot the bull with the other guys, kidding around, talking sports, computers and cell phones and all the town gossip. Nothing beats a small town barbershop on a Saturday afternoon.

After visiting with John (Earl has a great haircut by the way, we'll be going often), we headed to Albany for shoe shopping. I have a pair of "Enforcer" boots that are starting to show they're age. I absolutely love these boots, as they make me feel very, very confident. I know that I shouldn't base my confidence on boots, but I do. Call me crazy. Anyways, I picked up another pair at Dick's Sporting Goods. We then went to DSW, where I picked up a pair of black casual business shoes (Sketchers) and black dress-up business shoes (Hush Puppies). I think my feet have shrunk, because I was very comfortable in a size 9, whereas I usually where a 9 1/2. You know what they say about the size of a man's feet, I hope other appendages have not begun to shrink.

We had dinner at Romano's Italian Grille... neither had ever been to one and it seemed like a good place to eat. Great, great, great food - boring, boring, boring server. He had no personality whatsoever. Earl and I enjoyed a delicious pitcher of Sangrias so Earl ended up driving home. Someday I'll be big enough to hold my alcohol respectably.

Then today the weather turned nice so we went for a drive through the Frankfort Gorge then the Ilion Gorge (both of which lead to the Mohawk Valley). The twisty road is always fun to drive with the Impala, and it was nice to pull over and enjoy the babbling brook, the sound of the birds and the sunshine. A nice little meditative moment to prepare for the work week ahead.

Everyone has their own way of improving their mood. Some people chant. Some people close their eyes and take a deep breath. Others go for a walk.

I think of Kitty Carlisle.

Last Saturday night Earl and I wasted time by watching "Greatest TV show moments III". It was occasionally humorous, especially a segment of "To Tell The Truth".

You remember the show. Three contestants try to convince a panel of four celebrities that they are a particular person.

The celebrities included the delightful Peggy Cass, the witty Gene Rayburn, the somewhat dense Bill Cullen and the always proper, regal Kitty Carlisle.

The contestants were claiming to be a bird fancier... the prince of the parakeet set if you will.

Kitty Carlisle placed her vote first, indicating that she believed contestant three was the real mccoy. Of course she used a roman numeral to place her vote.

Next was Bill Cullen, who voted zero. Apparently he had to disqualify himself because he knew who the real contestant was.

"How do you know the real person?", asks Kitty, seemingly miffed at this disruption from the norm.

"I ran into him in the bathroom.", replied Bill.

The rest of the panel began talking at once... "How do you know he's the right guy?"

"He had his bird in his hand."

Well if you could have seen Kitty Carlisle stand up, hand to her chest with a look of complete indignation and disbelief, then you'd understand why Kitty brings a smile to my face to this day.

When Earl and I moved to the suburbs, I had one primary concern. Competing with the neighbors. Especially when it when it comes to... the lawn.

I don't enjoy mowing the lawn. I used to like it, but that lasted for maybe three weeks of the first year in our old house. Now its just a pain. It's boring.

Apparently our neighbors feel the same. They don't de-weed. The don't use lawn sweepers. They do as I do... throw the mower to the lowest setting, and ride just on the edge of "burning rubber".

I knew I loved this house.

As I've mentioned before over the past couple of weeks, I've felt a need to go back to the basics. To make life as simple as possible. There's no time for complicated drama.

For example, Earl and I went out for supper tonight. Because it was the simple thing to do. Earl had a rough day at work and neither of us were in the mood to cook, so we went out to a local restaurant.

It was much simpler to order Chili-Cheese Fries then explain to the waitress how we wanted a healthy appetizer.

That being said, it was much easier to just say no to the dessert than to select something delicious from the wealth of choices we were presented with.

I've gone out of my way to make my computer simpler as well. I'm tired of struggling with Linux and Unix, so I've embraced Microsoft again. I'm even using MSN Premium! While it's geared for the technological newbie, I'm finding the simplicity of MSN to be a dream.

I'm thinking of growing a garden this year. To just take it easy and grow my tomatoes and turnips or whatever.

There's a certain amount of peace that comes with simplicity. As long as I don't head over to brain dead, we're good.

Here it is May 10 and the sun is out already! I had almost forgotten what it looked like. After all, we've had rain, rain and more rain for the past week or so.

The sunshine was a welcomed addition to my sunny mood I desperately tried to maintain today. And I'm glad to say that I was successful. I just sort of smiled a lot, like a crazed person that walks on the street and hums. Hum hum hum. If the people around me were smart, they'd send me off to the big building where the people inside make rag rugs with blunt scissors. And hum. But no, I'm just loose on the street, sunny disposition and all.

The only thing that really crossed me today was that suicide inducing, syrupey Delilah on the local "Lite Favorites" radio station. I couldn't scan past her fast enough. The listener, obviously with a certain drawl in her voice, was crying because her daughter hasn't been very nice to her. SCAN. I flipped around some more and then came across Delilah again, playing "Friends and Lovers" by Gloria Loring. I hope that wasn't played in reference to the mother and daughter. That's what I get for jumping off of NPR.

I did enjoy a lovely bike ride this evening after supper. It was nice to get out and stretch my legs and all. I'm getting back into the cycling groove and feeling quite good about it. My body is responding very well. I look forward to hills. I try to maintain a higher average speed. I feel confident.

There's a promise of thunderstorms this evening. I can't wait!

After returning to work Friday around 1 p.m., I decided that I had had enough for the week, so I talked to my boss and bowed out for the weekend at 3:00. Earl left work early as well. It was nice to get out and enjoy some sunshine and stuff like that. Friday was truly an Afternoon Delight.

We headed over to Lenscrafters at 6:00 for scheduled eye exams. We hadn't had our eyes examined since 1998... needless to say it's been much too long. Long story short - I apparently have the eyes of a 50 year old, complete with cataracts! Holy Helen Keller! That caught me completely off-guard. The optomologist told me that I will undoubtedly have to have cataract surgery in twenty years or so, but hey! look at the bright side - who knows where technology will be then... perhaps it'll be even easier than the current same day surgery currently required. It certainly gave me a little dose of reality, but nothing to knock me over. I also need bifocals now (WTF), and in 10 days you'll see me on my webcam with my stylin' new, no-lines, frameless, anti-glare glasses.

Apparently all this computer use is damaging my eyes. So no more mood lighting for me at work - I'll have everything on full brightness starting tomorrow, plus, I'll be wearing my old reading glasses (like I should have been all along) until I get my new glasses. Don't make fun of me when you see me on 'cam. :)

Mother Nature wasn't very cooperative for the rest of the weekend... we made some attempts to get the deck ready for summer, but the rain kept chasing us in. We decided to take a second mortgage out on the house, fill up the gas tank and go for a ride. We ended up shopping at a new store up north called WiseBuys. It's a new chain of department stores specifically designed to replace the void left by Ames. As an old Ames/Hills/Zayre employee, it's kind of nice to shop in a department store that isn't a Wal*mart or Target, so I hope that WiseBuys does really well with what they're trying to do. Earl bought a new pair of jeans dirt cheap.

We also took the opportunity to check out our first Kohl's, which has just started making an appearance in the neck of the woods. We picked up some needed kitchen gadgets.

Today my Mom and sister came over for a Mother's Day dinner and general chit chat. It was nice to get together with them. They both seem to be having a little bit of a rough time lately - I hope they get through that soon and find happiness.

We wrapped up the evening with "Total Recall" on DVD. I hadn't seen it since I saw it at the movies in 1990... it was fun to watch. Now I'm getting ready to do some meditating before calling it a night.

A new week lies ahead, and I feel like I'm ready to take it on after this nice, relaxing, low-key weekend. A little meditation, some deep breaths, and a new pair of glasses... I can see clearly now.

There's is nothing more relaxing than heading home in the middle of the hectic work day. Especially when the sun is shining beautifully, the temperature is at a friendly 65 degrees, the birds are chirping and the lawn is freshly mowed.

Earl and I picked out a new barbecue grill on Tuesday night, and I received a call from Lowe's that it would be delivered today between 11 and 1. What an absolutely gorgeous day to head home for a little break. The perfect way to kick off what's bound to be a glorious weekend... just what the doctor ordered.

Now, if Earl was home from work with me right now, it would truly be, an afternoon delight.

I haven't written in my blog the last couple of days because I've basically been out of my mind. You know, the usual bout of emotional instability.

Let's just say that on Monday I went red-lined the "emotional response scale" with a lot of screaming and cussing during a heated discussion at work that left everyone with mouths gaping and me walking out the door for a half hour of downtime to find my sanity. If anyone working for me had acted such as I did, they would have been fired on the spot. In that respect, it's probably a good thing I'm the boss. But that does not make my behavior any more tolerable, and I've offered my sincerest apologies to victims and witnesses. But you know how you sometimes know that you've wrecked things permanently? I kind of feel that way now. So for the last two days I've been REALLY quiet and just doing my thing.

On the inside, I've been looking for the reason that I went postal. In all actuality, there isn't any one reason... more like the culmination of a lot of a variety of things going on in my life. Earl being out of town. The feeling of a hampster running on a playwheel while I'm at work... running, running and running but not going anywhere. Crappy Central N.Y. weather. The lack of a parking space. Imperfect people in an imperfect world. Bush Lite and his cast of idiots in the government. Acid rain. Shaving irritation. Rude people in the elevator. Constipation. You name it. I guess I've been just damn cranky.

I'm not a big fan of being in management. Unfortunately, that's a problem when your title is "Director of Operations". I don't like telling people what to do. I like to show them what to do, teach them, mold them, but I do not like managing them. I don't want to decide who stays and who goes. I don't like telling people that they are no longer valuable to the company and to pack up their desk. I don't like deciding who gets a raise. I don't like doing employee evaluations. Let's face it, I barely like people.

My ideal work scenario involves being on a project team, working in concert with others towards a common, pre-planned goal. Tell me what to do and when to do it by then leave me alone in my work area and let me get it done. Let me contribute to the vision, don't make me be the lone painter of the big picture.

Earl's response, God love him, is "fix it." And he's right. When you have a problem, you correct it. If you have an issue, resolve it. And I've been thinking about how to do that.

I know that this entry must seem vague and perhaps idiotic to the casual reader. Maybe that's appropriate. I've been feeling vague and perhaps idiotic.

All I know is that on Monday I was at the lowest point of the emotional see-saw. Now, the only way is up.

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It's amazing that I was such a bastard on Monday considering the wonderful weekend Earl and I had. "The Punisher" at the local drive-in. Beautiful summerlike weather. A walk through Onondaga Lake Park. Saturday night supper at a 50s hot dog stand. It was glorious.